I've only recently come to terms with being a masochist. i havent let anyone know yet. I've cut for about a year, but i always thought i was cutting because of depression or something terrible like that... but about a week ago, i was bored as hell and started cutting my stomach.. 'just a little' i told myself. but once i started i couldnt stop. the blade kept tickling more nerves and finding a better spot. i have cuts all over my stomach and a few above my breasts. I've only ever cut by myself. i cut again a couple days ago. ive never let them bleed too much, cuz i found that they heal less visibly when they bleed less. but it frustrates me sooo much if they dont bleed at least a little. i want to cut more and more... find a sadist, or even another masochist near me.. but for now i am in the shadows. but wow how my heart races when the blade shimmers in the dim light of my room :):):)
Title--December Night Rating--R, but it starts off sort of fluffy Summary--A fallen angel finally comes clean to the one he loves, only to find she is not what she seems. Warnings--Light bondage, SM, anti-christian undertones ( Read more...Collapse )
Coming soon: much more recent pictures, once my3pagefiction and I get together in person again, and my fetish dictionary. It will include things I've roleplayed or wish to roleplay and general turn ons.
This is your fearless fetishy leader, signing out! ~Shini~
I'm Rayah Newman (or Mordred Sade), and as my username implies, I am a sadist. There's just something about biting someone, cutting someone, tying someone up, and knowing that they like it...even in my fantasies, the sight of blood on a woman's breast is exhilarating. I haven't had sex with anyone yet, but I know I am a sadist because I know what turns me on--and pain for pleasure is one thing that does. For a while I was proud of it, but I made the mistake of telling my therapists and my mother. They told me that I was a pervert and a sociopath for having such sexual daydreams. For a while, I squashed down those desires, but they came back to bite me in the ass. I have three imaginary friends who represent elements of my life, embodied in stuffed animals. I started having sex with the one named Dana, and my sadistic urges came back like wildfire. I also started fantasizing about my friend named Emily, who I will never have in a million years, much less get into SM with. She's straight as an arrow, and only likes me as a friend. I can never tell her of my dreams about her, or she might be frightened off. I don't want to lose her. She means a lot to me as a friend, and (secretly) as someone I am in love with. I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I'm a sadist, instead of seeing it as a perversion. For now, I fantasize, I have SM sex with stuffed animals (pretending they are humans), and when the time comes when I find someone who loves me and is a masochist, then I'll love her in return, and hopefully get to fulfill both our desires. I'll keep it safe and consensual, set limits and "stop" words, and I'll learn beforehand what places not to bite or cut. I'm only fifteen now, so I have a long life ahead of me in which I hope I can come to terms with my loneliness. I'm not a goth, by the way. I'm a punk, and I'm a transexual (in my case, a male born in a female body.) I used to be a goth, but after realizing that there were too many incompatible aspects about that lifestyle, I figured out I was more punk than goth. So, um...hi. I'm new.
I am in dire need of a new non default background for my lj. I want a hot vampire background so I was wondering if anyone had any vampire pictures? I am looking on google but it is proving mostly unsuccessful. So if you have any, email them to me if you will. :) It would be much appreciated. Thank you. :)
Hello everyone. I see no one has posted here lately and I was just thinking, we should probably make some banners for advertisment. I mean, the community could use some growth ( I love new people) and I was just wondering if anyone had photoshop skills ( I certianly don't) and could maybe make some banners or something? I think it would be a good idea. Anyone else have thoughts?
Apparently I cried so much last night that the hole in my nose got sealed with all the stuff. I attempted to put my stud back in a bit ago and had quite a bit of trouble. After about 15 minutes of struggling with it, it is finally in again. And now my nose will not stop bleeding and is a bit sore.