First of all, it seems that "real" sadomasochism is all about power exchange. Power exchange, to me, is a complete turn-off--it's the pain (and the marks it leaves) that I really go for. I'm mainly concerned because 1) I don't want people to think I'm a sicko for wanting to leave my sex partner bleeding and/or bruised by the time we're done getting it on, and 2) I don't know if there's any human being in the world that actually gets aroused by physical pain without needing any domination or submission. I think it's called algolagnia, but nothing's been written about that since the 1920's. Did algolagniacs suddenly cease to exist?
I have a boyfriend now, but he's not really a masochist--he has a high pain tolerance though, and lets me do things to him, but it's somehow disappointing knowing that he's not enjoying it the same way I do.
Sometimes I feel completely alienated, but then again, sexual guilt is the story of my life.