x (daria_n_haruko) wrote in darkfetishes,

Introductory post, kind of

Hi...I joined this community a while ago, while I was using a different username (mordred sade.) Damn, how things have changed since then. I'm still a sadist, by my definition of the word, but the more I learn about "BDSM," the more concerns I have about that part of my sexuality. These concerns are why I'm posting again.

First of all, it seems that "real" sadomasochism is all about power exchange. Power exchange, to me, is a complete turn-off--it's the pain (and the marks it leaves) that I really go for. I'm mainly concerned because 1) I don't want people to think I'm a sicko for wanting to leave my sex partner bleeding and/or bruised by the time we're done getting it on, and 2) I don't know if there's any human being in the world that actually gets aroused by physical pain without needing any domination or submission. I think it's called algolagnia, but nothing's been written about that since the 1920's. Did algolagniacs suddenly cease to exist?

I have a boyfriend now, but he's not really a masochist--he has a high pain tolerance though, and lets me do things to him, but it's somehow disappointing knowing that he's not enjoying it the same way I do.

Sometimes I feel completely alienated, but then again, sexual guilt is the story of my life.
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